Today, the Institute becomes the second major blog to endorse Kanye West for President. Our endorsement comes with a primer for the TikTok generation:
Illest M*therfucker Alive
Consider the Covid. In the red corner we have septuagenarian Donald Trump, whose chances of surviving infection, unlike his girth, are slim. In the blue corner, we have septuagenarian Joseph Biden, whose dotage renders him unlikely to remember to take his hydroxychloroquine. The DNC has discussed replacing the former VP at the top of the Democratic ticket, but the septuagenarian Hillary Clinton might find it hard to convince the virus to accidentally commit suicide from an FBI prison cell.
In the Ye corner, future President West is in excellent health, and could fight off infection as he fought off the responsibility of water bottles.
Christmas in Harlem
We have never had a Black president*.
We need more Black people of colour in positions of power in our society so that we can start to address the historic power imbalances that plague our country. Future President West can offer a truly post racial society. No longer will white people be forced to mumble through certain portions of their favorite rap songs. We can come together as one race, the American race.
Many world leaders played fancy dress in college; only future President West need not fear an old Blackface photo turned into Kompromat to force him to declare peace on Crimea.
*We have had a Race-Fluid President, commonly seen as culturally white.
Diamonds from Sierra Leone
We have never had a billionaire president. It has been some time since we had a presidential candidate with no links to Jeffrey Epstein. Future President West has these advantages, together with a proven track record in filling a position previously occupied by 44 rich white guys and one darker skinned gentleman. His wife - and ideal VP pick - Mrs. Kardashian starred in the best selling adult movie of all time. Should America run into financial difficulties, sales of The First Porno could revive her economy.
“Ima let you finish, but Kim Kardashian would make the best vice presidential candidate of all time.”
The Institute would like our president to be sexual assault-free. Joe Biden believed all women, until he was accused by one. Donald Trump grabs women by the pussy and then makes them sign an NDA. Future President West is the only major party candidate to avoid being publicly accused of sexual assault. That alone endears him to the Institute above all other contenders.
But future President West extends tolerance to men who lack those standards. We therefore consider him a Unifier, like a George W Bush - but one who cares about Black people.
I Am a God
We consider future President West an inspirational thinker. When lesser men castigated the evils of slave-owners, future President West was there to point out over 400 years, it became a choice. Schizophrenia is another term for lateral thinking, and the real chains were inside your mind.
The Institute has researched the matter and acknowledges that our preferred candidate is wrong in matter of reality: there were chains around slaves’ bodies. But we find the sentiment expressed by future President West to be positive & uplifting. Now more than ever, we feel we should not be attacking people presenting new ideas, and future President West will spark a generation of thinkers who will question traditional facts until they discover the Truth.
“Would you believe in what you believe if you were the only one who believed it?”
Much like Lincoln, Kennedy and Hamilton composer Lin Manuel Miranda, future President West is a musical genius. Our current president blows no more than his own Trumpet, while Biden’s musical talents extend to snoring in C-span minor & some fast fingerwork. Bill Clinton taught Comrade Lewinksy to play the flute, while Barack tingled so few bells that he won the No Bell prize. We jest, of course - that was for promising to close Guantanamo. Is there an expiry date on that promise?
SIMPLY THE WEST
“To be blunt, people would vote for me. They just would. Why? Maybe because I'm so good-looking,” - Donald Trump, later elected President. Why? Maybe because he’s so good-looking. Joe’s no Sleeping Beauty.
We close by observing that all right thinking multi cellular organisms, of any sexual orientation or none, but especially including gay fish, would like to do something with Kayne's penis.